If you would like to view the 10 Top Myths about Divorce the website is at the end of the quotes. This is in response to Jon and Kate + 8.>
Marriages of the children of divorce have a much higher rate of divorce than
> > the marriages of children from intact families. A major reason for this . .
> > is that children learn about marital commitment or permanence by observing
> > their parents. In the children of divorce, the sense of commitment to a
> > lifelong marriage has been undermined. - 10 Myths of Divorce, National
> > Marriage Project
And, as Jon kept saying....I'm only 32, I don't know what's coming. We KNOW
what's coming Jon & Stepmother Plus Eight......
> > And, when it comes to the kids, it's not just single unwed mothers whose kids
> > struggle. "Most researchers reported that STEPCHILDREN were similar to
> > children living with single mothers on the preponderance of outcome measures
> > and that stepchildren were at greater risk for problems than were children
> > living with both of their married parents." - The Journal of Marriage and
> > Family
Lots of resources here Before you Divorce, like these:
> > Each divorce is the death of a small civilization.
> > Pat Conroy
> > Bad marriages don't cause infidelity; infidelity causes bad marriages.
> > Frank Pittman
> > Our research estimates that 55-60% of marriages that end in divorce fall into
> > the category of "good enough marriages". These marriages appear to be
> > functioning well only a year or so prior to the divorce. From a child's
> > perspective, these divorce are unexpected, inexplicable, and unwelcome and are
> > thus most likely to harm children. These marriages are significantly more
> > likely to divorce because of infidelity, citing explanations of "drifting
> > apart" or "communication problems". They are unlikely to mention abuse because
> > these were not highly conflicted marriages. - Paul Amato, Smart Marriages
> > keynote
> > Money often costs too much.
> > Ralph Waldo Emerson
> > Divorce causes a decrease in wealth that is larger than just splitting a
> > couple¹s assets in half. Divorce drops a person's wealth by an average of 77%.
> > And, contrary to popular belief, the research shows that the wealth status of
> > divorced men wasn¹t significantly better than that of divorced women, in terms
> > of real money. Divorce devastates your wealth. By the same token, married
> > people see an increase in wealth that is more than just adding the assets of
> > two single people. If you really want to increase your wealth, get married and
> > stay married. - Jay Zagorsky, Ohio State, Journal of Sociology, Jan 2006
> > The Top Ten Myths of Divorce - by David Popenoe
> > http://marriage.rutgers.edu/Publications/pubtoptenmyths.htm
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Father's Day
I know I am late with this post. I hope you enjoy.
- FATHER'S DAY QUOTES
Make your own card. Delight him with one of these. I think my favorite is
the one by Homer Simpson. - diane
It is much easier to become a father than to be one. - Kent Nerburn
What makes you a man is not the ability to have a child - it's the courage
to raise one. . . . Of all the rocks upon which we build our lives, we are
reminded today that family is the most important. And we are called to
recognize and honor how critical every father is to that foundation.
President Barack Obama
I don't care how poor a man is; if he has family, he's rich. - M*A*S*H,
Colonel Potter
I talk and talk and talk, and I haven't taught people in 50 years what my
father taught by example in one week. -- Mario Cuomo
I watched a small man with thick calluses on both hands work fifteen and
sixteen hours a day. I saw him once literally bleed from the bottoms of his
feet, a man who came here uneducated, alone, unable to speak the language,
who taught me all I needed to know about faith and hard work by the simple
eloquence of his example. -- Mario Cuomo
A father is a guy who has snapshots in his wallet where his money used to
be. - Unknown
A man's children and his garden both reflect the amount of weeding done
during the growing season. - Anonymous
. . . in the end, there is nothing a man can do that a woman can't, except
be a father.
Frank Pittman
I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father's
protection. - Sigmond Freud
A king, realizing his incompetence, can either delegate or abdicate his
duties. A father can do neither. If only sons could see the paradox, they
would understand the dilemma. - Marlene Dietrich
If the past cannot teach the present and the father cannot teach the son,
then history need not have bothered to go on, and the world has wasted a
great deal of time. - Russell Hoban
My father died many years ago, and yet when something special happens to me,
I talk to him secretly not really knowing whether he hears, but it makes me
feel better to half believe it.-- Natasha Josefowitz
A man knows when he is growing old because he begins to look like his
father. - Gabriel García Márquez
Are we not like two volumes of one book? - Marceline Desbordes-Valmore
Small boy's definition of Father's Day: It's just like Mother's Day only you
don't spend so much. -- Unknown
It is instructive that 87 percent of those incarcerated in American prisons
either don't know who their father is or have not had any contact with their
fathers in years. - Herbert London, Hudson Institute
"I won't lie to you, fatherhood isn't easy like motherhood." – Homer
Simpson
You don't get hugged by the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. . . I want what
everybody else wants: to love and to be loved, and to have a family.
Billy Joe
-------------------------------------------ow I am late with this posting. I thought the quotes were cute.
- FATHER'S DAY QUOTES
Make your own card. Delight him with one of these. I think my favorite is
the one by Homer Simpson. - diane
It is much easier to become a father than to be one. - Kent Nerburn
What makes you a man is not the ability to have a child - it's the courage
to raise one. . . . Of all the rocks upon which we build our lives, we are
reminded today that family is the most important. And we are called to
recognize and honor how critical every father is to that foundation.
President Barack Obama
I don't care how poor a man is; if he has family, he's rich. - M*A*S*H,
Colonel Potter
I talk and talk and talk, and I haven't taught people in 50 years what my
father taught by example in one week. -- Mario Cuomo
I watched a small man with thick calluses on both hands work fifteen and
sixteen hours a day. I saw him once literally bleed from the bottoms of his
feet, a man who came here uneducated, alone, unable to speak the language,
who taught me all I needed to know about faith and hard work by the simple
eloquence of his example. -- Mario Cuomo
A father is a guy who has snapshots in his wallet where his money used to
be. - Unknown
A man's children and his garden both reflect the amount of weeding done
during the growing season. - Anonymous
. . . in the end, there is nothing a man can do that a woman can't, except
be a father.
Frank Pittman
I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father's
protection. - Sigmond Freud
A king, realizing his incompetence, can either delegate or abdicate his
duties. A father can do neither. If only sons could see the paradox, they
would understand the dilemma. - Marlene Dietrich
If the past cannot teach the present and the father cannot teach the son,
then history need not have bothered to go on, and the world has wasted a
great deal of time. - Russell Hoban
My father died many years ago, and yet when something special happens to me,
I talk to him secretly not really knowing whether he hears, but it makes me
feel better to half believe it.-- Natasha Josefowitz
A man knows when he is growing old because he begins to look like his
father. - Gabriel García Márquez
Are we not like two volumes of one book? - Marceline Desbordes-Valmore
Small boy's definition of Father's Day: It's just like Mother's Day only you
don't spend so much. -- Unknown
It is instructive that 87 percent of those incarcerated in American prisons
either don't know who their father is or have not had any contact with their
fathers in years. - Herbert London, Hudson Institute
"I won't lie to you, fatherhood isn't easy like motherhood." – Homer
Simpson
You don't get hugged by the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. . . I want what
everybody else wants: to love and to be loved, and to have a family.
Billy Joe
-------------------------------------------ow I am late with this posting. I thought the quotes were cute.
Divorce Prevention Handbook
This was on the SmartMarriages e-mail. If you are considering a divorce this maybe helpful to you.
FREE: PDF DIVORCE PREVENTION HANDBOOK
Hi Diane,
³Should I Keep Trying to Work It Out? A Guidebook for Individuals and
Couples at the Crossroads of Divorce (and Before)² is now available. This
self-directed, research-based guidebook was developed by the Utah Healthy
Marriage Initiative for couples at the crossroads of divorce. Some of the
information in it is specific to Utah, which has a mandated divorce
orientation education class for divorcing parents. But overall, the
guidebook is relevant to any individuals in this situation. (We are
considering producing a modified national version of the guidebook next
year.) We will be discussing this resource and supporting project in our
session (with Bill Doherty) at the conference. If you want to alert listserv
members to this resource, it is available in pdf form at utahmarriage.org.
(Click on ³Thinking About Divorce?² and then on ³Should I Keep Trying to
Work It Out?²) Or they can order a hard copy for $8. Note that this is a
beta version. We are now recruiting individuals to use the guidebook and
give us feedback so that we can improve it.
Alan Hawkins, Ph.D.
Professor of Family Life
Brigham Young University
hawkinsa@byu.edu
I've also got the free download pdf posted at SmartMarriages.com - once from
the FREE STUFF page and once from the THINKING ABOUT DIVORCE PAGE. -d
> > 716 - Sat July 11, Orlando workshop
> > It's Never Too Late: The Crossroads of Divorce
> > Bill Doherty, PhD, Alan Hawkins, PhD, Tamara Frackrell, JD
> > Learn the lessons from two innovative approaches that work at reconciliation
> > with couples who have already filed for divorce using education, team, and
> > community-based supports.
FREE: PDF DIVORCE PREVENTION HANDBOOK
Hi Diane,
³Should I Keep Trying to Work It Out? A Guidebook for Individuals and
Couples at the Crossroads of Divorce (and Before)² is now available. This
self-directed, research-based guidebook was developed by the Utah Healthy
Marriage Initiative for couples at the crossroads of divorce. Some of the
information in it is specific to Utah, which has a mandated divorce
orientation education class for divorcing parents. But overall, the
guidebook is relevant to any individuals in this situation. (We are
considering producing a modified national version of the guidebook next
year.) We will be discussing this resource and supporting project in our
session (with Bill Doherty) at the conference. If you want to alert listserv
members to this resource, it is available in pdf form at utahmarriage.org.
(Click on ³Thinking About Divorce?² and then on ³Should I Keep Trying to
Work It Out?²) Or they can order a hard copy for $8. Note that this is a
beta version. We are now recruiting individuals to use the guidebook and
give us feedback so that we can improve it.
Alan Hawkins, Ph.D.
Professor of Family Life
Brigham Young University
hawkinsa@byu.edu
I've also got the free download pdf posted at SmartMarriages.com - once from
the FREE STUFF page and once from the THINKING ABOUT DIVORCE PAGE. -d
> > 716 - Sat July 11, Orlando workshop
> > It's Never Too Late: The Crossroads of Divorce
> > Bill Doherty, PhD, Alan Hawkins, PhD, Tamara Frackrell, JD
> > Learn the lessons from two innovative approaches that work at reconciliation
> > with couples who have already filed for divorce using education, team, and
> > community-based supports.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Two of Us. org
I checked out the website Two of Us.org It has a number of blogs for couples thinking about or planning marriage. If you are starting the process of wedding plans this maybe a website check out.
The Shack
My book club picked "The Shack" for our book for January. The book gives a different religious view of God and the Trinity. We were all touched by the story. What we talked about most was how the author presented being judgemental and forgiveness. It is an easy book to read but I think it takes a second reading to digest. If you get a chance to read it let me know how it affected you.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Poem of Reflection
"A New Story of Your Life"
by Michael Blumenthal
Say you finally invented a new story
of your life. It is not the story of your defeat
or of your impotence and powerlessness
before the large forces of wind and accident.
It is not the sad story of your mother's death
or of your abandoned childhood. It is not,
even, a story that will win you the deep
initial sympathies of the benevolent goddesses
or the care of the generous, but it is a story
that requires of you a large thrust
into the difficult life, a sense of plenitude
entirely your own. Whatever the story is,
it goes as it goes, and there are vicissitudes
in it, gardens that need to be planted,
skills sown, the long hard labors
of prose and enduring love. Deep down
in some long-encumbered self,
it is the story you have been writing
all of your life, where no Calypso holds you
against your own willfulness,
where you can rise
from the bleak island of your old story
and tread your way home.
by Michael Blumenthal
Say you finally invented a new story
of your life. It is not the story of your defeat
or of your impotence and powerlessness
before the large forces of wind and accident.
It is not the sad story of your mother's death
or of your abandoned childhood. It is not,
even, a story that will win you the deep
initial sympathies of the benevolent goddesses
or the care of the generous, but it is a story
that requires of you a large thrust
into the difficult life, a sense of plenitude
entirely your own. Whatever the story is,
it goes as it goes, and there are vicissitudes
in it, gardens that need to be planted,
skills sown, the long hard labors
of prose and enduring love. Deep down
in some long-encumbered self,
it is the story you have been writing
all of your life, where no Calypso holds you
against your own willfulness,
where you can rise
from the bleak island of your old story
and tread your way home.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Happy & Healthy New Year
I found this going through my old documents. It seems to fit today as much as it did years ago when I wrote it. A mother never expects their child will be an alcoholic or be a victim of an alcohol accident. I hope it will help someone who is wondering if they or someone they love is an alcoholic.
I know most of you will think I am preaching but I need to get this off my chest because I love all of you too much. I just watched on Dateline the story of a woman who drove drunk and killed 2 people. As an alcohol and drug counselor this is old news but as a mother I never want this to happen to you. Either as a drunk driver or killed /injured by a drunk driver.
One of the ingrained ideas of alcoholics is that they believe they are not drinking that much. This is part of the disease and the alcohol. The alcohol screws up a person’s judgment and they just keep drinking.
There are a few warning signs of alcoholism. These do not mean a person is an alcoholic but it means if they are not yet they will be:
They continue drinking after 2 or 3 drinks. (after the buzz)
They gulp drinks. (to get the high, drunk faster)
They can’t leave ½ a drink or half a bottle (they drink until it’s all gone)
They have blackouts (they don’t remember what they did or how many drinks they had or how they got home)
They get into fights/arguments with people who try to take their keys away or tell them to slow down on their drinking.
They only feel normal after a few drinks.
They drink to change their mood (sad, tired, angry, etc) or say I deserve to drink.
They only hang out with people who drink to excess.
They binge drink (drink once a week or even less) but to intoxication.
People (friends & family) don’t want to drink with them anymore due to their obnoxious behavior.
People make fun of them (laugh behind their backs) when they drink.
People get mad because they have to take care of them when they drink.
They don’t see their behavior as negative or life threatening.
They lie to themselves and everyone else about how much they drink.
They encourage others to drink like them (even loved ones) by mixing their drinks stronger than necessary.
They say to themselves “I work every day, pay my bills, I can’t be a drunk” and then make an ass of themselves or drive drunk or get into fights or pass out.
Alcoholism runs in my family and all my children are at risk. I have seen all of the above in my own family and I never want this for my children. I know all of you are adults and can make your own decisions but if you fit any of the description above- get help because I love you.
I hope I did not offend anyone but if it helps any of you it was worth it. I just hope I’m not too late. Love, Mom
I know most of you will think I am preaching but I need to get this off my chest because I love all of you too much. I just watched on Dateline the story of a woman who drove drunk and killed 2 people. As an alcohol and drug counselor this is old news but as a mother I never want this to happen to you. Either as a drunk driver or killed /injured by a drunk driver.
One of the ingrained ideas of alcoholics is that they believe they are not drinking that much. This is part of the disease and the alcohol. The alcohol screws up a person’s judgment and they just keep drinking.
There are a few warning signs of alcoholism. These do not mean a person is an alcoholic but it means if they are not yet they will be:
They continue drinking after 2 or 3 drinks. (after the buzz)
They gulp drinks. (to get the high, drunk faster)
They can’t leave ½ a drink or half a bottle (they drink until it’s all gone)
They have blackouts (they don’t remember what they did or how many drinks they had or how they got home)
They get into fights/arguments with people who try to take their keys away or tell them to slow down on their drinking.
They only feel normal after a few drinks.
They drink to change their mood (sad, tired, angry, etc) or say I deserve to drink.
They only hang out with people who drink to excess.
They binge drink (drink once a week or even less) but to intoxication.
People (friends & family) don’t want to drink with them anymore due to their obnoxious behavior.
People make fun of them (laugh behind their backs) when they drink.
People get mad because they have to take care of them when they drink.
They don’t see their behavior as negative or life threatening.
They lie to themselves and everyone else about how much they drink.
They encourage others to drink like them (even loved ones) by mixing their drinks stronger than necessary.
They say to themselves “I work every day, pay my bills, I can’t be a drunk” and then make an ass of themselves or drive drunk or get into fights or pass out.
Alcoholism runs in my family and all my children are at risk. I have seen all of the above in my own family and I never want this for my children. I know all of you are adults and can make your own decisions but if you fit any of the description above- get help because I love you.
I hope I did not offend anyone but if it helps any of you it was worth it. I just hope I’m not too late. Love, Mom
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